


Cake Trap

by cinder1013



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Cake, Gen, If that counts as mpreg, Loki is totally fluid, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-07
Updated: 2018-02-07
Packaged: 2019-03-15 04:54:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13605975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cinder1013/pseuds/cinder1013
Summary: The Avengers (minus Hulk for some reason) come upon a giant cake. A delicious cake. A trap cake.





	Cake Trap

**Author's Note:**

> This is crack! Serious crack! 
> 
> Yeah, I don’t know what the gender it either. Ideas welcome.

Loki made a giant cake. It’s a chocolate cake made of up of 3 tiers with strawberry filling between them and chocolate silk frosting. There are pretty pink roses decorating it with green vines running down the sides of the cake. It is seriously the most beautiful cake Thor has ever seen and he was certain it was a trap. 

Trap cake. That’s what it is. Trap cake. 

“Ooo, hey cake!” Tony stuck out a finger, totally ready to steal some frosting, but Thor grabbed his wrist. “Personal space, Blondie.” 

“It’s a trap.” 

Clint smirked and giggled. Nat’s eyebrow twitched. 

“A trap?” Steve asked. 

“It’s a cake and it’s chocolate. Chocolate cakes are not allowed to be traps. It’s in the Julia Child rule book beside ‘do not take Vincent Price seriously’.” Tony looked around. “I’ve done research. Do not take Vincent Price seriously. Except he was a great cook, but not the point. How is this a trap?” 

“It’s Loki. I just know it is. It has the design. Yes, it’s my brother.” He glanced around suspiciously. “It’s a trap. A cake trap.” 

Clint tried so hard not to laugh, but it escaped as snorts and giggles at first, then outright guffaws. Nat’s other eyebrow twitched and she almost smiled. 

“You do not take my brother seriously,” Thor accused. 

“I just ... cake trap,” Clint gasped out. Tony snickered. Steve glanced at them and Tony mouthed, “Movie night.” 

Loki appeared in a swirl of velvety green smoke. He had one of those silly, tall chef hats on. “Infidels.” He smiled. “How do you like my cake?” 

“OK, yes, it is a cake trap,” Tony said. Clint straitened and sobered up the way he always did around Loki. 

“It’s just a cake,” he protested. “Such a beautiful, delicious cake. He gestured in his best Vanna White, showing off the beautiful cake. “Won’t you join me for a piece, brother? And friends?” 

Clint snorted. “I’m not your friend.” 

“We’re not your friends, chef boy,” Tony agreed. “You’re just lucky the big green guy isn’t here.” 

“Oh, but I was looking forward to seeing him,” Loki exclaimed wistfully. “Fine, don’t eat the cake. I have been attempting baking again, but fine. Still, brother, I have an announcement.” 

“Oh no.” 

“Oh, yes!” 

“Really?” 

“Absolutely. I took one of those little muggle tests.” Loki grinned joyfully. “You’re going to be an uncle again,” he sang. “Hence, the baking. If you cut into it, it shows the gender.” 

“Wait, what?” Tony asked. “I missed something.” 

“Have you told - oh, hello, Hella.” Thor tried to smile at her, one of those strained smiles that doesn’t reach the eyes. “And you ...” 

“Are celebrating with you!” She held up a bottle. “I brought the champagne!” 

“Wait, no!” Clint protested. “He can’t have champagne! He’s pregnant!” 

“He’s got a point,” Nat agreed. “But I’m not, so pour.” She glanced around. A champagne flute appeared next to the cake. Picking it up, she thrust it in Hella’s face. 

“You might not want to -“ Thor started, but Hella actually giggled. 

“I like you,” she told Nat. The cork on the champagne bottle popped on its own and she poured Nat a glass. “Come on, let’s all have a toast.” More glasses appeared. Clint and Tony both took one, but Thor backed up a step. 

“I’ll not toast to a monster, for surely if it is yours, brother, it will be a monster.” 

Loki attempted to look nonchalant, but his eyes reflected his hurt. 

Hella thrust the champagne bottle toward Thor, butt first. “Don’t make me use this.” 

“Right, you’d waste good champagne,” Tony agreed, offering his glass to be filled. 

“You’re not locking this kid up,” Clint said. “You’re not doing that. I read about the things you and Odin and have done to Loki’s kids and it’s wrong. Kids aren’t monsters.” 

“Fenris would swallow the world,” Thor reminded Clint. 

“I’ve known a lot of freaks. I am a freak. I was raised by freaks. You’re not locking this kid up. You’re not hurting him.” 

“Are you perhaps on my side?” 

“Don’t push it.” Clint glanced around. “Seriously, you don’t lock kids up.” 

Nat took the bottle right out of Hella’s hand and poured drinks all around. She glared at Thor until he took a glass too. “Too a healthy and happy pregnancy and a beautiful baby,” she toasted. They all drank to it, even Thor. 

“So, shall we cut the cake?” Loki asked eagerly. Nat produced a wicked looking knife from somewhere on her person and handed it to him. “I have always liked you.” 

“Don’t be creepy.” 

Loki shrugged and cut into the cake, revealing a green and gold swirled center. “My.” 

“What gender is that?” Steve asked. “I’m fairly sure it’s not a gender.” 

“It must be,” Loki countered, then licked some of the frosting off the knife. “I cast the spell myself. That’s the gender.” 

“But, what is it?” 

“Fuck if I know.” 

“Great, another monster,” Thor mumbled. Clint hit him upside the back of the head. 

“What did we say about kids not being monsters?” 

“You doth not know Loki’s children as I do.” 

“You touch one hair on that child’s head and I will shoot you so full of arrows, you’ll look more porcupine than human.” 

“I like you,” Hella announced. Clint gave her his best flirty grin. Hella looked deeply into the cake. “I think the gold is for Aesir.” 

“How would that be? I have no Aesir in me. And, I would point out, Aesir is not a gender.” 

Hella shrugged. “We’ll find out, won’t we? Either way, two colors indicates two genders combined, whatever they are.”


End file.
